haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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