He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Come share oat with me in your robe
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
