this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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