Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
