so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
