i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
