i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
