Duck Duck Cougar?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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