so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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