i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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