why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
