Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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