dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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