so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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