you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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