Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
