Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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