I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
