i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
