I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
