I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
