Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
