Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
