You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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