I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
