Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
