Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
