Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
