She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
