walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
