I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
