Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
