When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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