i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
