call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
