thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
