I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
