I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
