Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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