somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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