What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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