so explain again why im purple
no
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
