oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
