The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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