Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
