He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
