just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
