I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
