did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
