so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
