please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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