Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
