you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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