She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
