i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
