If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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