I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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