I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
