I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
