so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
