I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
