Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
