Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize