Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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